Forever In My Never
by ASummerBreeze
Summary: Jack's thoughts during and after his death and after his reunion with Rose. Warning, contains non-graphic character death. FIMN belongs to Blue October.


Forever In My Never

A Songfic

* * *

_Will you think of me in time?_

_It's never my luck, so never mind. _

Jack hadn't shivered in a while. That realization was what alerted him to the graveness of his condition. His body had stopped trying to warm him up, probably because it had started to shut down. This was it. There was little chance a boat could reach him in time to save him from the last staged of hypothermia. He just wished he could summon the strength to tell Rose _his_ goodbyes. She had sworn him her survival, her life, and distantly he could hear her voice floating weakly through the air, singing or humming or both. Despite how hard she seemed to struggle to keep her voice up, she sounded like an angel.

He had to wonder if even if she kept her promise, she would still think about him once he was gone. Had to wonder if Cal would pick her up on land. Cal of course was right in a way, he did always win. Maybe not because of 'luck', but because of fortune. He had the money to win. To survive. Jack didn't know in all honesty if the man had gotten off the doomed ship, he had been too preoccupied protecting Rose in the ship's last moments to look around at the faces of the people that were surrounding him huddled on the back of the ship.

Whether he lived or not, he doubted that he would be a fixture in her mind for very long. Rose was young, a couple of years younger than him, and she had been raised differently, her own aspirations had always been different from his own, but they had been similar enough to click on this fatal voyage.

_I wanna say your name_

_But the pain starts_

_Again, it's never my luck, so never mind._

The pain really only came when he tried to move, and he did. He fought his frozen body with the little strength he could muster, but what felt like the effort to move his arm turned out to be his pinky wriggling slightly. He was frustrated, and exhausted. Maybe it was better to let her just realize he was gone later. He would rather die with a little dignity anyway than letting her watch his brain shut down and stop his lungs and heart from continuing.

He closed his eyes.

_I had a dream that you were with me_

_It wasn't my fault_

_You rolled me over, flipped me over _

_Like a somersault_

_That doesn't happen to me_

_I've never been here before_

_I saw forever in my never _

_And I stood outside her heaven._

Suddenly he was laying in warm sand on a beach, the sun was beating down on him and he realized the ice was gone. Had they drifted somewhere? Maybe down to Florida? Opening his eyes, he realized instead of hanging onto the board, he was laying belly down in sand, with water splashing up around his body. Then he felt hands on his shoulders and he was rolled over onto his back. Rose was smiling down at him, her hair wild and loose, damp from the water, and her dress soaked to her skin. She was beautiful.

"Jack," She said, reaching to cup his face. "Jack…" She was smiling, but her voice was in tears. "Jack..there's a boat, Jack!"

That's when he realized this was not a freak accident, they hadn't drifted anywhere together. He was almost gone, and he had just enough sensation to realize somewhere, in reality, his brain was gone, but had enough sense to feel her shaking him gently.

Seeing her here smiling at him was certainly his idea of Heaven but hearing her agony was also his idea of hell. "Jack, wake up, there's a boat."

_Will you wait for me in time?_

_It's never my luck, so never mind._

_I've lost a lot of what I don't expect to ever return_

_I tend to push 'em 'til the pushings gone from hurtin' to burn_

_I always take them to that place I thought they wanted to go_

_Then end up dancing 'round this clown commands_

_Applause at a show_

The Heaven Rose grabbed him by the hands and dragged him to his feet, twisting their arms so they could spin like they had on he ship during the 3rd class party. She laughed outwardly and her hands were cold in his, and he could almost smile seeing her so full of life and happiness, but he could hear the real Rose in the back of his mind, remembering what she had vowed to him. Part of it was heartbreaking, this dying business.

"I'll never let go Jack," There was some pain in his hands, a sickening crack and suddenly the world around them went from sunny to dark. very dark. Heaven Rose stared up at the sky and Jack felt like he was dropping on a roller coaster, his belly all tightened up. Nearly sick from it, after already going through one fall that night, he braced himself and suddenly the dark sky was filled with stars. He blinked and looked around himself, and then at Heaven Rose ahead of him when he heard her voice.

"Jack," Their eyes met and she smiled lovingly. "This is where we met." Indeed, they were standing on the stern of the ship, but there was no water around them. It looked as if nothing had happened to it in those final moments, and Jack could see some lights were on in the rooms further forward. Standing on the rail, he looked that way, across the side of the ship, about half of it's lights were lit. He assumed for the half of the souls that would spend eternity there.

"C'mon, let's go inside. I'm freezing," He muttered softly. She approached, and took his hand, smiling at him. She was a frighteningly perfect replica of Rose.

_I had a dream that you were with me,_

_It wasn't my fault_

_You rolled me over, flipped me over_

_Like a somersault_

_That doesn't happen to me, I've never been here before_

_I saw forever in my never, and I stood outside her heaven._

_Her heaven, inside her heaven. Heaven._

Jack spent an unknown amount of time with the Heaven Rose, who was a good enough decoy for the real thing, if not just a little more dull. During day, the ship was lit up with sunlight and the class restrictions were no longer imposed. Jack spent his time typically drawing and dancing at the bottom of the Grand Staircase with Cora. Sometimes Rose would ask him to 'go flying' and he would oblige her, she smelled just the way she had when he had been holding her at the front of the ship that day. It made the pain of his death a little less sharp.

He knew when they found his body somewhere. There was of course no one to identify him so he had been buried in Halifax. That put him to rest somewhat, he wasn't quite so anxious for time to tick by so that the real Rose could join him, assuming that that was what she wanted to do of course. Even with Heaven Rose with him, he missed her. Missed the fire that her doppelganger lacked. Missed the way her kiss broke his heart over and over. Missed the idea of living a real life with her.

_And I can only dream of you and sleep but I'll never see sunlight again_

_I can try to reach for you but somehow I'll end up just losing a friend_

_I can only reach for you, relate to you, I'm losing my friend_

_Where did she go? Where?_

He of course found out how to watch over her, and tried to make contact with her a few times, but he was warned that it was hard to do, it required patience and energy that ran out. A couple of times she seemed to sense him there but as she got married and had her babies, he felt less like he belonged there with her. Still, he was relieved to know that she frequently thought about him over the course of her life. She grew old and never became less beautiful, and Jack relished the idea that soon she would be there.

His last visit with her, he was standing in the room with her as she told their story to everyone on the Keldysh and he stared at the images of the rusted ship under the ocean that he saw all the time…and yet he didn't. It never looked that way when he was looking at it in his afterlife. All the same there was something bittersweet about listening to her talk about their time and then to hear that any evidence of his life no longer existed. He supposed that wasn't all of that surprising at all. His parents had been poor, he had been born at home and he had never bothered getting a passport, he had never needed one.

That night, as he was standing on the stern of the ship, staring at the stars, the Heart of the Ocean suddenly floated down through the air and landed with a gentle thud on the deck. Staring at it, Jack's mouth twisted into a smile and suddenly, her doppelganger was gone. He hurried inside to gather her loved ones, and rushed up the stairs to go stand by the clock the way he had when she had come to meet him in secret after dinner.

_I had a dream that you were with me, it wasn't my fault._

_You rolled me over, flipped me lover_

_Like a somersault._

_That's doesn't happen to me. I've never been here before._

_I saw forever in my never and I stood outside her heaven._

_Stood outside her heaven._

_Oh let me in your heaven._

_I wanna be inside your heaven._

As Rose ascended the stairs, he turned to her and smiled at her. She seemed unsure that he was truly himself and so he offered her his hand in the way he had when they had first met here and she smiled vibrantly. He pulled her into his arms and stole a kiss from and his heart broke all over again. She returned his kiss with love he hadn't felt in decades, and still, it hadn't been too long for him to remember. Instead of his never, he had his forever more at last.


End file.
